Your Existing Situation

"Craves change and new things, always looking for new adventures and activities. Becomes restless and frustrated when she has to wait to long for things to develop. her impatience leads to irritability and a desire to move on to the next project."

Your Stress Sources

Feeling empty and isolated from others and trying to bridge the gap between herself and others. Wants to live life to the fullest and experience as much as possible. she cannot stand any restrictions or obstacles put in her way and only longs to be free.

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Current situation makes her feel unable to prove himself, but tries to make the best of things."

Is bothered when her needs and desires are misunderstood and she feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. her self-centered attitude can cause her to be easily offended.

Is bothered when her needs and desires are misunderstood and she feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. her self-centered attitude can cause her to be easily offended.

Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.

Your Desired Objective

"Searching for a life free of problems, stress, and drama. Wishes to find security and peace, so that she may relax."

Your Actual Problem

Searching security and a position in where the demands of others is not put solely on her.

Your Actual Problem #2

Fear of being prevented from achieving the things she wants increases the need for security and freedom of conflict. Looking for stability and a relaxing environment.

This blog is rusty! :P
I've just finished reading all my previous posts (both public and private ones if you may ask) and they are all so psychotic! Was I that crazy? really?? And to think I am the normal one in the family.

I actually have nothing to write about. Well, except for the fact that I just wanted to do nothing today. To just lie down in bed and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Be ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE. Stare at ABSOLUTE NOTHINGNESS. So I didnt do much. Washed the dishes. Answered his email (a must every morning! ;) ). Had some arts and craft moment with Huda (will elaborate on that when I feel like it). Then Liqa' time arrived so we went along with dad. Thats it! Boring day boring routine, well except the part where I answer his email. hehe. *wink2*

It s when Im writting that my mind starts thinking of what to write. Like right now, my mind is telling me that I should be writting about the ALKL convention, that should be an interesting topic! Well, it may not be interesting to you of course, but what matters is that I would enjoy telling you about it! Obviously I matter most in this world, like duh-uh!! :P

One thing scares me right now. My lack of motivation. School hasnt started yet but Im already thinking of lazing around, wasting time doing random useless things. And stupid me go and agree with the SRC thingy! Like I have the time to pretend to care about the bloody school! Honestly, I dont think I can do much with it. But hey, with my stinky results, this SRC thing may be useful for me in the future, you never know.

But that has always been my problem hasnt it? To succumb. To listen to the society's demands and make it my own. Pardon? My definition of me? Oh thats easy. I am a robot. The society's robot. I bring you service right to your doorstep. Anytime. Any place. In any circumstances.

OMG!! E turmoil!! E spurge of emotions!! E sudden rush of energy!! E mixed feelings!! E stupid inclination 2 go wild!! Yes ppl!! It has come again, THAT TIME of e month. So b4 we turn cuckoo, lets state some guidelines on how 2 deal w this....bablagadabombombush!....shall we?

1) DONT DO ANYTHING!! even if u think its not foolish at DAT TYM! but then agn, regret only happens 2 those hu wonders yet do nothing, so ok i change my mind, DO IT!! but mke sure u dont hurt any1 in e process ya...

2) No picking fights!! I noe we luv rumbles but enuf is enuf! Some ppl can only tke soo much drama, evn 4 a drama queen lyk me!!

2) Make sure u have full supply of those paddies n those undies. dun at e last min u find urself putting on ur mom's underwear-corset.. blive me, u dont want dat to happen to u.

3) Concealer in ur wallet, AT ALL TIMES!! u dun want those bums n scars on ur face 2 b visible, esp if ther s dat 1 guy u've bn trying 2 get attentn 4rm if u noe wat i mean... wink2... hehehe

4) MA'THURAT!! Its e one thing dat mkes u sane when those hormones stat playg w ur emotions.. Those "He doesnt understand me!" "Nobody loves me!!" "My life s a mess!!" will go away soon once we start directg our attentn to The Giver..

5) Not to forget The Distributor! ;) Solawatu alar Rasul often 2 calm urselves down n prevent us from gg nutsie! :P

6) Make sure ur nights r filled! Dun b alone in e room! u noe those tear ducts leak durg dese times...

7) Wen smthing creeps up dat wells up those tears, THINK HAPPY TOTS! disturb ur frens! go nuts! dance around! Shriek!! Dun let those feelings overcome u!

But for some nites, all u wana do is wallow up in self-pity n cry ur heart out...

ok fine. Do dat. But noe dat things change. Life is a cycle. (like e cycle we r gg tru now) Sleep well knowing things do get better. They ALWAYS do. HAVE FAITH. STAY AWESOME. LUV YOU. MUAKS!!!!

Semalam i called u u tak ans~
u kate, u tak kate papa~
u tk cakap papa pon kat i~
klu i dtg ketuk pintu rumah u baru tau~

kata kita ni fren aja~
den shd b i boleh cntact u bila masa~
klu i risau2 mstila i nak tau~
u ni da mampos ke blum~

Sudahla darlg~
I, i trus peg dancing~
4 i noe dat wil mke me go langsing~
dri risau psl u~
I muz as wel kentut~
sedap skit perut i kempes~

Last few week's scene: "EXAMS!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!"
Dis week's scene: "ASSIGNMENTS!! NO LIFE NO LIFE NO LIFE!!"
Prediction of nxt month's scene: "FINAL EXAM!! TORTURE TORTURE TORTURE!!"

so basically, no, i duno y m here, sriously.
I shd hav bn married w 3 lovely kids rite now if not 4 e ridiculous dmands of e world.

I dint noe how stupid and how low i could be until aft it happened.
Reali, if u knew abt it, u'l b all defensive cos u most prob think highly of me.. ;)
I felt cheap and disgusted with myself.
It was to a point that I knew can never get worst.

The thing is, wen we realize how lowly and weak we are,
thats wen we return back 2 The Al-Mighty & Rasulullah s.a.w.
n there wasnt any choice, it was either seeking help from God or perish.
n this was how my prayers were answered:

I had a test the day aft.
I seldom check my mail act.
but I did then.
n I realized I got an email 4rm Mudarris.
wat was written in e mail ws a personal offer to help me in any way he can.
I din xpect dat.
I tot i'd get some hadith or wat not abt Our Beloved Rasulullah as a zaeeem or anything along e line.
I din xpect a personal n sincere mail from him.
not dat he is not a caring guy, evidently he is.
but i nvr tot i m dat significant in his life 4 him 2 act spend some time 2 write me a sincere heartwarming letter 2 me.
It was an unexpectedly great surprise.
That was when it hit me.
(rite b4 I broke down n cried like a baby. :P)
This journey im taking, its not solely 4 me is it?
Many great fam n frens inc my parents n Mudarris r supportg me endlessly.
I hav forbidden n disappointed a lot of ppl hu loves me unconditionally.
I hav havent I?

-- Journey to embrace change --

I feel like writing but dunt really noe wat i shd write abt...
there s a mix of emotions n this throbbing pain in my head..
How can I accept what just happened??
Its so confusing & complex yet I understand the issue..
Well, understanding does nt constitute to knowing what to do abt it..
Even after all that has been said,
Everything is spoken,
Everything is out in the open,
I m still left hanging...
I know if I tell you, you'd ask me to forget abt it..
let it go..
Start a new beginning..
Straighten your life..
I used to give advices that sound & wise,
but now I understand completely why its easier said than done...

It hurts like hell..

...from my fav guy, Sheikh Hamzah Yusuf: