I dun fyl e raya mood at all...
mebbe cos der is no ktupat dis tym..
no rendang...
+ e fact dat we r out of town...

evn tho ther is takbir outside...
evn tho frens 4rm al ovr e world r wishg me a gr8 raya...
its lyk dis tym, der s no meaning...

m dead n frigid on e inside

Yesterday was one of my "grown-up" days u cn say...
cum 2 think of it, dis sem break is all abt obligatns aint it??
but im not it a position 2 cmplain..
things may not b 'heavenlty', or evn lively..
but its ordinarily fine.. its ok.. im ok... :)

niwae, currently at e hospital..
i noe, u may tthink dat its now like my 2nd hme rite..
but i act had 2 tour ard e whole zone 2 find a bloody payphone..
reali xhausting..
its soo diff 2 not hav a phone in dis cntury..
u fyl like a caveman lost 4rm hme...

i end dis entry wif a qoute/statemt smbdy said yesterday:

"dont mke Rasulullah saw wait 4 u..."

here s another 1:

"If u r a dandrawi, u r not supposed 2 b/fyl alone..."

im postg wif ma new pc..! hehe

ok dats not imp...
wats imp is dat i juz deal wif 2day 1st..
get it pass me..
so dat i cn go 2 clas undistracted..
juz hpe der wont b a rumble later.. haha

Dun think i cn do this...

whenever there is someone we care about.. when our loved ones are in need.. we cnt help but to reach out.. make things all better 4 that person.. If its possible, we wana protect the person as much we can.. If we hav e authority 2 imprison them, juz 2 b sure dat they wil b fine, we'd hav done so.. (ok, mebbe only im dat psychotic as to jail my loved 1s :P) but my point is, we cnt help caring for our family n friends, especially those dat r dear to us..

Dats al fine n dandy but problems arise when our emotional investment gets overboard n we realize dat others dun giv bac as muc as we do them.. we get cnfused n hurt, curling up on our beds crying our hearts out, thinkg people dun luv us n dey dun appreciate us.. I used 2 feel e same way, esp in high sch wen al we wantd was 2 b THE MOST POPULAR, MOST AMIABLE GAL in sch.. (oh dun hav 2 point fingers, we noe ourselves ;) ) So I was naive, overly helpful n in turn, 'taken adv of'... So I startd 2 get mad n angry.. thinkg ppl r inconsiderate n hateful.. u noe, e normal teenage rage dat we used 2 xperience.. den e most dreadful cnclusion came 2 my head: If ppl dun cre abt me, y shd i cre abt them?? hel wif them! from now on, I shall do things 4 me n me alone..!" *in a high pitch bimbotic shriekg voice.. :P
blive me, during dat tym, It sounded lyk e wisest decision i hav mde n i was highly proud of myself.. 4rm a dwn-2-earth gal 2 a snobbish pain-in-e-freakshow.. I evn went 2 e xtend of leavg my frens! juz 2 prove my point.. ridiculous isnt it??

same goes wen we r in a relationship.. we put all our emotional 'investment' on dat 1 person, trustg dat 1 person 2 protect n cre 4 us as we do them.. but wen it is not reciprocated, we get mad n angry.. confused n betrayed.. start cursing all guys as losers n bcomes e leader of a feminist grp e nxt day..

here is e thing.. wen we wana help, we cant expect 2 get anything bac.. Its called 'giving' 4 a reason.. Its not an investment wher u give ur time n effort, n expect a return.. its a charity, wher u 'give', then fyl gd dat u actuali took e initiative 2 mke things bettr 4 others... dat way, u wont hav 2 get angry abt others, cos u hav always kip in mind, dat at e end of e day: Its still btween u n God..

ok lovely ppl! i'l b back on tues morning n i'l c u den! Gd luck wif life! ;)

2 - the Helper

Thanks for taking the test !

 

 

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing,

and sensitive to other people's needs.

 

 

 

 

How to Get Along with Me

• Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.

• Share fun times with me.

• Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.

• Let me know that I am important and special to you.

• Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

 

In Intimate Relationships

• Reassure me that I am interesting to you.

• Reassure me often that you love me.

• Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

 

What I Like About Being aTWO

• being able to relate easily to people and to make friends

• knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better

• being generous, caring, and warm

• being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings

• being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

 

What's Hard About Being a TWO

• not being able to say no

• having low self-esteem

• feeling drained from overdoing for others

• not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish

• criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should

• being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them

• working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

 

TWOs as Children Often

• are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism

• try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding

• are outwardly compliant

• are popular or try to be popular with other children

• act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention

• are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted TWOs), or quiet and shy (the more introverted TWOs)

 

TWOs as Parents

• are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)

• are often playful with their children

• wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"

• can become fiercely protective

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele, The Enneagram Made Easy. Discover the 9 Types of People.

Harper: San Francisco, 1994, 161 pages

 

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Try it: http://helloquizzy.okcupid.com/tests/the-quick-amp-painless-enneagram-test
 

we nid sm1 2 cnstantly rmind us dat we r needed...
we r important...
dat life matters...
without these ppl ard...
its like we r falling 4rm a never-ending stairway...
plop plop plop plop plop plop plop plop plop..................
it goes on n on n on n on n on n on..........
n it doesnt stop until sm1 catches us...

or we learn 2 climb up by ourselves...
stop hoping for others 2 help us..
n help ourselves..
yes! u pathetic creature!
wake up n smell e roses!
juz b, juz do!

Im really in no mood 2 study 2day..
i hav microbe ppr 2moro,
n i haven covered al e topics..
but my brain s a mess,
my rm is a mess,
my life is a mess...
im surrounded by messy things!
Im messy!!!
ma life is in nid of an xtreme mkeover!!

reali, 2day is juz me rambling..
since i dun wana study..
n e vids on utube r gettg mre n mre boring..
my farm is not growing a thing..
used up my energy in sorority life..
soo bored dat I went 2 e extend of playing mindsweeper!
whic by e way, i m an xpert at.. *wink2.. ;)

wat u wana noe?
u wana noe if im ok??
wat if i say m not??
watcha gona do abt dat huh?? huh huh??
hahaha..

e thing is, i ws feelg rather gr8 dis morning..
I felt free.. liberated... joyful! hehe..
then as e day goes by...
I find my synapses sendg incmprehensible signals 2 al parts of my brain..
or mebbe my brain hs collapsed, is dat possible?? 2 hav a collapsed brain??
mebbe if we scan it, we mite c e cerebellum at e front.. or e thalamus at e rite side of my skul..
or mebbe it hs xpanded like e 1 in an autistic child..
so im autistic?? spastic?? or psychotic??
i noe, im rambling..

Crap! exam s tomorrow!!
gtg!!

We r supposed 2 b happy 2 c luv btwn 2 ppl...

So Im happy dat u r happy.. :)
(u hav no idea hw muc effort it tkes 2 get 2 dis cnclusn..) :P

Bdays mke u realize hw muc time u've spent on Earth
and how little u've accomplished.................................

Bila nak matang??

Trying 2 eliminate drama in my life..

no mre:

- Complaining.. e hardest part of this process.. :P

- no mre being frenly, esp 2 boys.. MINGLING IS HARAM... :P
this grp of e species really dun understand english, or malay, or singlish...or Malish??
but im not sre how 2 do dis 1... hmm..
klu dlu at Alj it ws easy, + e boys der wre atleast tolerable n decent..
din noe I cn b so wrong abt sme ppl..

- Aimless activities.. like go out waste $$,..
rmember Samirah, u r NOT rich, so dun pretend 2 b 1..
understand??

- Being irresponsible wif studies..
ni lag 1.. pls eh gal, u r not supposed 2 regress..
dats juz unacceptable..!

- having, u noe, dat person, u noe e person, dat, u noe, on my mind.. :P
hmm.. how? extract my brain out??
hmm... May u b happy alwayz my dearrr...

Orite, i nid u 2 wish me luck... so wish me luck! ;)
Do pray 4 me,
I nid ur prayers n support as muc as I nid His strenght n guidance..